Chat between Catherine the Great of Russia and Prince Grigory Potemkin, someday in 1776, conducted via attp (aristocratic transfer protocol, i.e. sending servants back and forth between palaces):

Potemkin: Allow me, my precious dear, to say these final words that, I think, will end our row. Catherine: I permit you. The sooner the better. P: Don't be so surprised that I am so uneasy about our love. C: Be calm. P: Beyond the innumerable gifts you bestowed on me C: One hand washes the other. P: you've placed me in your heart. C: Firmly and solidly. P: I want to be there alone, preferred to all former ones, C: You are and will be. P: since no one has so loved you as I. C: :-) P: And since I am the work of your hands, so I desire that you should secure my peace. C: wtf? P: that you should find joy in doing me good C: My foremost pleasure, biaatch. slap P: and find therein repose form the great labors that occupy your lofty station. Amen. C: Don't be such a lamer. Let your thoughts be calm, so that your feelings can freely act; they are tender and will find the best way themselves. EOQ (End of quarrel). Amen. CUL8R, have some ruling to do.

(via New York Review of Books, who didn't quite realise the meaning of the find for the field of techno-historiography.)